I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
