last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
