hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
