I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
