Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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