Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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