Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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