I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
