as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
