Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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