When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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