I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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