he was CRYING into my vagina
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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