she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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