He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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