If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
