we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
