you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
