ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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