Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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