I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
