Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
