We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
