i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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