He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Never joke about your clitoris.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
