My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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