by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
