I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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