I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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