hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
