Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
