he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
