She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
