It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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