sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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