I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
