and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I cannot find my penis.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
