i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
