On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
