I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
