If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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