I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
