U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
