Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
