when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
