I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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