Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
