Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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