i think my mom watched the whole time
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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