i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
