Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
