dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
