DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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