She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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